Alexa Dayn

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Follow Your Joy? What Joy?

Joy? What Joy?

So lately I keep coming across the concept of following your joy as a means to living a more empowered and fulfilled life. Follow your joy, follow your heart, follow your bliss, your excitement, your intuition, your gut, your breadcrumb trail of excitement — I think these terms are generally pointing to the same thing — but what if it feels like there is nothing to follow?

I seem to be running into that a lot.

The whole “follow your heart” thing can sound a little cliché… I think the intention has become somewhat diluted from overuse and an underlying lack of understanding of the original concept.

But the concept itself is solid, and factually based in vibrational science, quantum physics, and other schools of thought that I’m a major fan of. So I know that it’s valid and does ultimately work… Except it doesn’t always seem to work for me. 🤔

I feel like there’s something here to investigate.

What I mean when I say that it doesn’t seem to work for me isn’t that I follow what I’m excited about and things don’t work out. My issue, or my experience rather, is that often I can’t seem to find any real excitement to follow.

That’s not to say that I’m depressed or that I’m not living a nice, content life. Because I generally feel pretty good on a daily basis — I feel good about how far I’ve come, my healing process, and all these cool things that I get to do regularly like practice yoga and write and create various forms of art — but as far as actually feeling full-on excitement or joy or bliss about any of these things… That’s where I notice some lack.

Following Joy vs. Avoiding Something Else

In all honesty, I continue to write and create and practice yoga because I think it’s good for me, and… and I guess because I don’t really know what else to do. Which is a less-than-awesome thing to admit…

I do that stuff more as an alternative to emptiness, not necessarily for the fun of it.

I know it’s good for me, and to be fair I do find joy in varying degrees once I’m actually doing the activity (especially yoga — practicing yoga has an amazing way of transforming my energy and mood and life outlook).

But I wouldn’t say, for the most part anyway, that I roll out my mat or open my computer because I am joyfully drawn to do so. I mean, there are exceptions to this — like if I have really good music playing sometimes I’ll feel this joyful craving to practice yoga — but generally speaking, I wouldn’t say that I usually “follow my joy” as a way of guiding me to my next activity.

I totally would if I could regularly find it, but the reality is that I just don’t normally feel that kind of input. It feels like there’s a disconnect.

Possibility Analysis

There are a few things that come up as being possible explanations for this:

  1. My brain could be still recovering from the 10+ years I spent regularly taking a variety of unnecessary pharmaceutical drugs that massively altered my natural neurochemistry
  2. I’m looking for an obvious feeling of joy to follow, but maybe it doesn’t necessarily have to be joy; maybe for me it’s something less obvious but still positive, like mild contentedness
  3. According to the Human Design system I’m a Reflector, which is fairly rare (less than 1%) and basically means that I perceive life a lot differently than most people because all of my energy centers are open
  4. Maybe part of my life path that I’m here to experience involves some sort of investigation into this very idea, and the fact that I’m struggling with it (and as a result investigating it, writing about it, and trying to learn from it) is exactly what I should be doing

I don’t know…

I was kind of hoping that by writing this out I would come to some level of clarity, but that doesn’t seem to be happening yet.

Sometimes I feel like there’s something wrong with me, like I have some sort of faulty mental wiring that prevents regular access to this excitement people speak of. Or if not wrong, at least different. Well, that much I actually do know — I am different than about 99% of the population according to Human Design. No better or worse, but definitely different. Learning how Reflectors interact with the world has given me so much clarity on things that I’ve always felt and experienced but never really understood.

Maybe this is just another Reflector thing… or some other thing that has yet to be labelled.

Changing Environment and Energy

Actually, what Human Design theory would say is that what I’m currently experiencing is an indication that I’m not in the right environment, and that I need to change my physical surroundings in some way. I’ve been talking about moving for… shit, since the beginning of this year! So 8+ months, but I haven’t managed to make it happen yet.

So I guess this is yet another push to make it happen?

It’s not that I haven’t been trying, believe me — I check for new rentals almost daily. (You should see my list of bookmarks!) It’s more the fact that even knowing about quantum energy and resonance and all that, I still have earthly doubts about the likelihood of actually finding the right place and financially qualifying for it.

Maybe I do have a bit of clarity that’s emerged.

A hypothesis, if you will.

We’re more able to regularly access (and thus follow) our joy when our energy, thought processes, and external lives are more in alignment with our true purpose, or with All That Is. Similarly to how according to our emotional guidance system negative emotions are an indication that we’re out of alignment in some way, maybe struggling to follow your joy is an indication of the exact same thing — that something about our existence (our physical environment, for example) is not in alignment with what we came down here to experience, and when that alignment improves, so will our access to our excitement or “gut” or “breadcrumb trail of excitement.”

Epiphanyish

Maybe this is that “ah ha” moment I was searching for. It doesn’t feel very “ah ha”-like though because this isn’t necessarily new information… Sometimes I just need to write things out.

In my case I do think moving is a big part of it.

I know that it’s the right thing for me to do, my next “breadcrumb,” although admittedly the joy to follow that trail of breadcrumbs is still a little lacking. Again, it’s more like contentedness and small irregular doses of excitement (mixed with a little trepidation about all the earthly logistics to be figured out)… but I think this is one of those times where I have to be wise enough to zoom out and have patience for the bigger picture. In other words, I need to remember that this transitory phase right now of finding a new place isn’t going to always feel super exciting in the interim — but it’s something I need to go through in order to make way for all the future breadcrumbs of excitement that will line up effortlessly once I make this fundamental change in alignment and energy.

So, I’m off to my daily rental search — with renewed vigor and faith.

I can’t wait to write my first post from my new place! And to decorate and organize and practice awesome yoga…

Hey, there’s that joy! 😄🎉