Alexa Dayn

Poetry

Alone But Never Alone

Be still and know
That I’m with you
Be still
Be still
Be still

By “I,” I mean the universal, zoomed-out I
And by “you,” I mean the zoomed in, human me
The me that feels alone sometimes
Like I’m in it alone
Perpetually

Even though I know we’re all one
Even though I know my dad is always with me
Even though I know this life is ultimately an illusion...
I know all this stuff...
But still it weighs on me
Loneliness
Emptiness
They shouldn’t
But they do
But I’m with you
“I’m” with “you”

Today in my kitchen
Bluetooth speaker perched atop refrigerator
Playing this song on repeat
One of those moments where I couldn’t get enough of a single song
It was hitting me in my heart
Couldn’t figure out why at first
But then it hit me
It was on the third listen that it hit me

If you forget the way to go
And lose where you came from
If no one is standing beside you
Be still and know I am

The words sunk in
And it was like the universe was speaking directly to me
Like my dad was standing right next to me
My dad and the rest of my battalion of light
Tears formed as this realization hit
And they fell as I felt it in my heart...
How absolutely not alone I am
How totally loved I am
Loved and supported and seen
For doing this life
Taking it on
For humanity and for the planet
Adding my light to the network
Going through temporary darkness as a part of it

Tears continued to fall
Sophie immediately went into “comfort Alexa” mode
Sat in front of me licking every tear
Giving me her paw repeatedly
It was precious

I kept telling her that it was okay
Because it was
I wasn’t really sad
They weren’t sad tears
They were epiphany kind of tears
Because I’m never alone
Never truly alone
If anything, quite the opposite

It’s a deep remembrance
Maybe a DNA activation

This whole battalion of light is always with me
Standing behind me and beside me
Out of phase
Out of sight
But only out of mind if I let it
And at the end of the day…
I am that battalion
They’re me, I’m them
But for now the metaphor is helpful
For my currently human brain

So for now
I’ll be still and know
That “I’m” with “you”
Be still
Be still
Be still