Alexa Dayn

Poetry

Feeling Epic

“I was feeling epic…”
Except I wasn’t
By standard definition at least

I haven’t been
But I want to be
I want to be epic
Do epic shit
Be a part of something amazing

Why haven’t I
What’s stopping me
I know it’s up to me…

I’m here to do something epic
I just know it
I can feel it
It happens in my future
Time’s not linear
So I already feel it
Since it’s already “happened”
But until the “future”…

Lack of tangible epicness is making my heart hurt
Like there’s a dissonance between present and future
Between empty and epic
Such a stark contrast
It’s hurting my heart
Because I feel it, but I also don’t
Kind of like grief
Well, a small percentage of grief
But that same kind of feeling
The same flavor
The same hole in my chest
The same hurt in my heart

EPIC
That word!
I can’t even explain the pull I feel to this word
And all that it implies

I’m going to do something epic one day
All this epic shit
And someone will say something to me about it
And I’ll smile and shrug a little and say,
“I was feeling epic!”

Maybe then I’ll remember this day
Stopping in the middle of yoga to write
Because my heart hurt from lack of epicness

So embrace the hole in my heart
Don’t run from it
Don’t try to fill it with honey or salsa or Netflix
Or even yoga
Just let it be there
Lean in
Feel it all

Life gets epic up ahead
From another perspective it already is
Because even the pre-epic phase is part of the story
It’s usually the stories with this crazy disparity between beginning and end
Between loneliness and connection
Between darkness and light
Between apparent lack of epicness and an abundantly epic existence
That are the most...
Well, epic.

So all is well
Keep doing my thing

And as surely as day follows night
Everything’s gonna be alright
I’ll step into my epic life
And this chapter will be a distant memory